WORKING-CLASS HERO -- OF THE INTELLECTUAL AND LITERARY WORLD

THE END OF MY

JOURNEY AS A

LONELY DRIFTER


Yes, I did drift through this postmodern world for a while -- in fact, for quite a long while! But, please, what can I do? What could I have done? (Then?)

Now, I am almost out of the dark (cell of life). I can see the light! I am no longer divided! I am able to be whole once again! I am synchronised and in harmony with almost all aspects of my being -- and with my status as a man, citizen and writer! And that's something -- for someone, an unrepentant but struggling modernist writer to have arrive at!

Well, I didn't choose to have all these good "friends", "family members", relatives", "schoolmates", "classmates", "colleagues" and friendly "acquaintances"! (And, yes!, even good and able "leaders" too!) And I was like a pawn, a plaything, a toy, a puppet, and almost a figurehead too! They pitted me against each and every one of these soulmates of my life and I came out of such encounters and meetings like a goon!

Now, at this moment -- after being liberated from my life-long imprisonment (with a celebration one-man party at Queenstown Remand Prison to boot!), I want to ask these fucking bastards -- the invisible (and, for a long time, almost anonymous) listeners and talkers and "controllers" (of my sad and miserable life!) this question: Do you still want to take me for a goon? (Take a chance? You mean, pretend I'm being honoured and compensated by the contrite and enlightened (at last!) authorities -- with plenty of sex and silence? Or what?

I will NOT, big, big fucking EGOs, forego my own chance now -- yes, the opportunity and the challenge come together (ask President Hu Jintao of the People's Republic of China!) -- to become, yes, succeed, finally, as a writer of published (printed -- yes, I have to qualify that!) BOOKS and magazine articles (or essays)! I will remain firm, resolute, clear, definite, convinced and fully energetic in my ambition to achieve such a professional goal -- AS A WRITER!

Definitive Notes Towards The Re-affirmation of Myself As A Discerning and Independent Working-Class Writer

What I Believe, As A Writer,

(From This Very Moment --

Until I Die, Hopefully, In Peace) :

(a) My aim, now, as a writer, is still not to be popular -- not, at least, specifically with people who don't matter to me -- by trying to, precisely, be a writer who matters to himself) -- and not to the masses generally; to have access to the conveniences of modern living; to be highly appealing to more-demanding readers; yes, even to be commercially successful; to earn (much) more money; and to be happier, richer, and more satisfied with my life (and, yes!, and with my achievements as a man -- sexually, socially, and love-wise)!

(b) In order to achieve (a), my essays, articles, pieces, reports, confessions, attempts, etc., are to be written, or expressed, in the same or usual manner or way that can only be described as highly artistic -- in other words, in an interesting, highly readable, conversational, attractive, intuitive, enjoyable and emotionally expressive style!

Addendum :

In other words, I still now aim, as a writer, to be highly influential and very important; to strive to be someone who matters (to those who are themselves persons who matter); to be critically acclaimed as a classy, honest, truthful, distinguished, fine, serious, organised and detailed writer (who values harmony, beauty, tidiness and neatness in his written prose expression)!

Hence, readers will still continue to witness the same highly personal style of writing that both they and I have been used to -- involving, as it always does, a well-tuned approach towards the art of writing -- in my own self-adopted art or way of writing, as described in (b) -- in order to enable me to achieve my aim as stated in (a)!